Funny Retirement Poems







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Funny Retirement Poems

You wake up in the morning
With nothing to do
How you’re going to fill your day
You haven’t a clue
By the time you’ve had a leisurely breakfast
Your energy starts to sap
Before lunch the chances are
You’ll find the time to fit in a nap
At lunch, avoid drinking coffee
That’s far too soon
You don’t want it keeping you awake
All the afternoon
Get some fresh air
Go into the garden for a bit
Busy yourself
Having a nice long sit
When you’re thoroughly worn out
With all that fresh air
Take yourself back indoors
To your favorite armchair
Where you can have a good contemplate
About ways to get thinner
But try to fit in 40 winks
Just ahead of dinner
Then relax in the evening
Trying to understand
How you only managed to get done
Half the things you‘d planned
Never mind, don’t bother yourself
With any regret or sorrow
You’ve got plenty of time to fail
To do it all again tomorrow

Jon Bratton 2009

©  B P & Q

Late to rise
Early to bed
Collect that pension
Before you're dead.

©  B P & Q

You no longer have to punch a time clock
You can now do
what you want
when you want
anytime you want.

©  B P & Q

Retirement is a time
For feeling glad to be alive,
A time when friendships blossom
And enthusiasms thrive.

A chance to do the special things
You always wished you could.
Retirement is a special time
For knowing...life is good.

Congratulations on your
Retirement

©  B P & Q




more funny retirement poems

You've done nine to five for so long now
Dictated by the clock has been a bind
Now just do as you please whenever you want
Away from the daily grind.

Have a wonderful retirement

Jon Bratton 2008

©  B P & Q

The time of discovering the joys of choice once again,
You can now do the things you always wanted to do
But now it's when, how and why
And only if it's you who wants to.
Yippee!!
Enjoy and may good health bless your path!

Jon Bratton 2009

©  B P & Q

Funny Retirement Poems Verses Quotes

An Oldie but a Goldie!

An Ode to Old Age

There's quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn't begin at 40.
That's a big fat lie.
My hair's getting thinner, my body is not:
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
I smell of Vick's Vapo Rub, not Chanel #5;
My new pacemaker's all that keeps me alive.
When asked of my past, every detail I'll know,
But, what was I doing 10 minutes ago?
Well, you get the idea, what more can I say?
I'm off to read the obituary, like I do every day;
If my names there, I'll once again start -
perfecting the art of falling apart.

©  B P & Q

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

©  B P & Q

You can say it with flowers
You can say it with wine
But to make her stinkin' sentimental
Say it with a Lincoln Continental.
Robert Byrne

©  B P & Q

Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing

©  B P & Q

You can't turn back the clock
but you can wind it up again

©  B P & Q

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and
perspired for an hour.
But,
by the time I got my leotards on,the class was over.

©  B P & Q

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

©  B P & Q

You have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by.
Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them
slip by.
James Matthew Barrie

©  B P & Q

Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

©  B P & Q

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,
'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

©  B P & Q

Stand up and walk out of your history.
Phil McGraw

©  B P & Q
Funny Retirement Poems Verses Quotes

There are those who just don't want to leave
Their place of work every day;
It's become such a part of their lives
They feel they'll have nothing to say.

Funny Retirement Poems Verses Quotes

Our big society needs all of us - don't worry
There's still plenty to do I'm sure;
Volunteering to help those worse off than us 
Sometimes has little lure.

Others already have their flights booked
Or a cruise around the Med;
Others just want to be able to say
Today I'm staying in bed.

Our lives are now once again our own
To do with as we please;v Enjoy and conquer any past fears
It's absolutely the bees knees!

Maggie-May 2009

©  B P & Q

Congratulations on your service here
You've made the twenty five years;
You've never been late and with no time off
So the clock has made us laugh with tears.

You are no longer stuck with the weather
As more days are open to you;
Monday to friday change sometimes
No just weekend weather for you.

Fresh air and sunshine-get out of the rain
No more humping large boxes around;
We will miss you though and your pithy wit
The last word king you are crowned!

Maggie-May 2010

©  B P & Q

Funny Retirement Poems Verses Quotes

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

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