60th Birthday One Liners

60th Birthday One Liners is the web page that has for your free non commercial, non publishing use a collection of sayings about reaching the big Six-0 which have been made to rhyme by the prolific internet rhymster Jon Bratton and these can be used individually or as a long poem or speech










You know when you’re getting very old
You and your teeth don't sleep together
Your back goes out but you stay home
On account of the unsuitable weather

When happy hour is a nap
And it takes two tries to get out of the chair
When you sink your teeth into a steak
And your teeth just stay there.

When on vacation your energy
Runs out before your money
When you badly knock your elbow
And your bone’s no longer funny

When compliments you give are few
And complaints you make are many
When your socks appear somewhat wrinkled
And you aren’t wearing any

60th Birthday One Liners to stand alone or combined to form a speech

When what doesn't hurt, doesn't work
And the pharmacist’s your best friend
When your slow driving drives all others
Completely round the bend

When you look for ages for your glasses
And they’re there on the top of your head
And when you always read the obits
Before getting out of bed

You often visit the optician
Because of your rapidly fading eyes
Already your supply of brain cells
Is down to a manageable size.

60th Birthday One liners to stand alone or combined to form a speech

But hey look on the bright side
Things you buy now won't wear out
"Come upstairs and make love" the wife cries
“I can't do both!" you’ve been heard to shout

It'll be harder and harder for sex..
..ual harassment charges to stick
Well, you’re old enough to remember
When the Dead Sea was merely sick.

When you're not eating cereal
You can still hear snap, crackle, pop
When you’ve just put on your running shoes
You feel the need to stop

You already get breathless
Walking down a flight of stairs.
And you feel like the morning after,
When you haven't been anywheres

60th Birthday One Liners to stand alone or combined to form a speech

Your nose and ears have more hair
Than what’s on your head
You go check about your dodgy memory
Then forget what the doctor said

You now like accordion music
And grow vegetables for a prize
When now you have a party
Your neighbors don't realize

You struggle to untangle yourself
When your legs are crossed
You often say “nowadays”… and then tell folk
What a loaf of bread used to cost

You have heated arguments about pension plans
And play dominoes in the bar
When you light the candles on your birthday cake,
A circle of campers sing "Kumbaya."

60th Birthday One Liners to stand alone or combined to form a speech

But enough, we should end here
No more should be said
We’re conscious that at your age
It’ll soon be time for bed

A very happy birthday (Jack)
We’ve stretched the truth, nay, we’ve lied
We just couldn’t have insulted you any more
But believe us mate, we tried

Jon Bratton 2008
(based on sentiments by others)
www.verses4cards.co.uk

Publishers wishing to use this poem should contact Jon Bratton by using the Contact form on his website. Generally permission will be given in return for a credit of his name and website link, just like you see above

Visitors here who still have a verse thirst can click the link for more 60th Birthday One Liners